FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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