id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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