no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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