I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
