I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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