On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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