I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
