It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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