im drinking this country out of the recession.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
