3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
