Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
