I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
