At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
