Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
