Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
