Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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