Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
