Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
