I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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