Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
