your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
