You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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