i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
