I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
