Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
