They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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