Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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