I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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