My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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