PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
