I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
