just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
