Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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