Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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