didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I don't think brook has ever known best
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
