Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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