My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
