I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We left an ass print on the piano.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
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