Where did you get a picture of my penis
I want you more than these girls want KFC
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
