Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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