We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
