I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
