onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
