You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
