If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
