Need sex. Gaining weight.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
