Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
