you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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