rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
