I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
